It took me a wee while to think about a time that I fully took ownership in my life. I found it quite hard to determine which of the major points in my life was a pivotal change. In fact, I just kept thinking of time after time where I made a decision to change my situation, some of them were things like: going to university, moving to a new city, getting a new job and getting help with my mental health but I realised that all of these things came down to the fact that I made a conscious decision at one point in my life to have my life be MY life. Does that make sense? Probably not. I’ve alluded to some of the more difficult times that I have been through in my life a few times on the blog when I have discussed my mental health, and my life decisions so you’ll probably have a good idea about me and if not here’s a little link so you can spend your Sunday reading all about it here…
It sounds ridiculous, but there comes a time in your life (which can be at any age) where you come to realise that most people are inherently selfish. We do things because they are best for us, and we do things whilst not always necessarily being mindful of others around us. It took me a really long time to realise that this isn’t always a bad thing and that most of the time it’s because people are doing what’s right for them at any one time. I mean, there are plenty of situations where people make GOD AWFUL decisions that do have huge negative repercussions on others, but these aren’t the situations I’m talking about. I’m talking about decisions like quitting your job, moving out and making up with people after years of not speaking.
My problem was that I was letting everyone else’s decisions affect me and dictate how I felt about situations and dictate my next decision because of that emotion. It took a really long time for me to realise that I was being the wrong kind of selfish when I let other people’s life choices dictate my feelings, or if I judged someone or got upset with them because they chose to do something that was right for them. A great example of this was when my sister moved out of the family home (and our shared bedroom lol) when I was a teenager, I was so angry and felt so abandoned but I know now that it was one million percent the right thing to do and now, if I was in the same situation I would do EXACTLY the same thing.
I decided to adopt a new way of thinking (100% on the recommendation of my therapist lol), I make decisions for myself. Everything I do now, I do with my own best interests at the heart. It’s taken such a long time for me to realise that what is best for me, might not be what other people want or necessarily agree with, but those who love you and support you will always do their best to understand your reasoning. I still spend ages agonising and going over every decision I make time and time again, and make sure that I do consider the butterfly effect it might have, but I make sure that my priority is me.
The only way that I can live my life to the full is by having my own best interests in the heart of everything I do. The whole point of your life is to live it how you want to live it. So, why the hell not? If you’re not hurting people, and you’re making decisions for the right reasons then you do you. Only you can make yourself happy, only you can live your life.